Hey baby,

I have a question for you.  Maybe you know what it is, but we'll get to that in a little bit.

Do you remember this?  This is you the summer before we started dating.  You were dating someone else, so you weren't interested in me, but I saw you.  I didn't know you that well, and Ethan kept making fun of me, so I didn't want to admit that I liked you, but I you made my pulse race when you'd stop to talk to me.  I'd get nervous and then tell myself how silly I was being.  I had no idea back then where we'd end up, but I'm glad I stopped and talked and got nervous and excited all at once.

I'm still amazed at how everything worked out that summer and fall.  How you we found each other at just the right time, just when it worked.  We'll probably never know how much of that was God and how much was just chance, but I'd like to think God gave things a nudge, a bit of help with the timing.

Then there was the time I went with you to an Indian birthday party.  You went with me to lunch on Sunday, and I knew that if you could handle that group we could be together, because I love those people.  I hope that's what Curt's birthday was for you too: a moment in which we got to see how the other reacted to those we love, to see if they would love them too, if they would fit in.

You did, and always have, perfectly.  You get along with my family and the people important to me, and you recognize their importance in my life.  You fit.  That might be the best way to put it.  I hope I do the same for your family, because I know they're important to you.  Let's never get too far away from our families, okay?

This was taken just a couple of weeks after we started dating.  It makes me think of that night we stayed up all night talking.  I didn't go to bed until 7:30.  You were so cute that night when I told you I liked you.  I know I won't always get that kind of reaction from you, but I hope I can still make you feel that giggly, that special, from time to time.  I remember how excited I was to tell people that you were my girlfriend.  I started saying that you were my girlfriend before I even made sure it was okay with you.  I'm still that proud of you and being with you, I hope you know that.

Do you remember how much time we spent on that couch the first year we were dating?  I was so unsure of myself at first, nervous and out of my element, but I came to like it there.  I didn't realize at first how important res life was to you, and how much it meant to you to be there and make a difference for your girls.  I'm glad we spent that time in Eastside, because I got to see a side of you that I really like.

I like to imagine that one day you'll be an RD and we'll live in a dorm for a while.  I like watching how you invest in those around you and the way you serve them.  I think that you have a real gift for connecting with people and making them feel loved and welcomed.  You have so many gifts that I don't, and I love watching how God uses them in your life.  I want to always support you in your use of your gifts, however that might look throughout our lives.

If I look happy in this picture, its because I'm thinking about you.  This was the night I told you that I loved you for the first time.  I wanted to say it before that, but I'm glad I waited.  That week was perfect, and I think that night was perfect too.  I wanted you to know without a doubt that when I said I loved you, I meant it.  I meant it then, and I mean it now.  I love you.  I love you so much, Emilie.  I also know that I don't know all that much about love yet.  I have a lot left to learn, things I can't learn without spending my life with you.  What I do know, without reservation, is that I want to spend my life with you.  I won't always be a perfect husband, and our weeks won't always be as perfect as that one in California, but I'll always love you.


I don't have a picture of this one, but I want you know how important it was to me when you started coming to church with me.  Being a spiritual leader is hard, and I don't know if I'm always the best at it, but its very important to me.  I'm so glad that you have a vibrant, living relationship with God.  I hope that I can encourage and lead you in your spiritual life, but I know that sometimes I will fail you.  Its absolutely essential that you have a strong relationship with God, that you have Him to rely on, because I'll never be able to meet all your needs.  I think that you already know that.  I really value your faith, Emilie.  Without it, our marriage wouldn't stand a chance, but its more important than that.  I couldn't bear it if you didn't know Jesus Christ, but you do and your faith continually blesses me.

I love this picture of you.  I think you are absolutely beautiful in this picture.  You're beautiful without all the stuff so many others need to feel beautiful.  This picture captures so much about you.  I love that you are a farm girl, that you love your family's garden.  I love that your family and your roots are still so important to you.

I want you to know that I also love your desire to emulate the way you were raised with our own kids; that you want to home school and you want our kids to wrestle.  I know that I've got a nasty desire to always understand things for myself, but I want you to know that I like this part of you too and that I will support you on these things (except the wrestling, our kids are all playing soccer).  I think I our kids are going to have a fantastic mother.

This isn't the best picture of me, but I still like it, partly because your beautiful smile is in the corner and partly because of where we were.  We were sitting under the London Eye, fighting off jet lag and just enjoying the fact that we were somewhere exciting.  There were lots of great things about this trip, but the reason it was so good is that we got to share it.

I hated leaving you that summer.  When we were on the underground and I had to walk away from you, I felt so empty.  I knew I was going to miss you, but the main reason it was hard for me was because I couldn't protect you any more.  I wanted to make sure you were okay, that you would make it to Oxford safely.  I know you don't need my protection very often, but I can't help wanting to keep you safe.  I won't be able to protect you from everything in our lives together, but I will always do my best to provide you a safe place, with me in my arms.

This picture, obviously, was taken the day I graduated.  This day wasn't so hard, but the day I left for Princeton was.  I've never felt the way I did that day.  It was so much worse than when you were in England.  I knew we'd still be together, but I also knew you weren't going to be there every night when I wanted to be with you.  It was such an odd, lonely feeling.  I'm still not quite right unless I'm with you.

Baby, I knew that being away from you would be hard, but it made me realize how much I want you in my life.  Not just for the major things, but for the little things that happen every day.  I want to play games together and make dinner together.  I want to listen to music that you like and show you music that I like.  I want to sit on the couch reading and just know that you're in the other room and that life is more complete because you're there.  You are so important to me, in ways I couldn't realize until I went to Princeton.  I can't wait until we can be together every day.

As funny as it sounds, when I think about the start of our relationship, one of the first things I think of is that park bench at Seabold Park.  We took a long walk one day, before we were officially dating, and we talked about a bunch of things.  We talked about past relationships and what we learned from them.  I learned so much about you that day, but the main thing I learned was that I wanted to see where this relationship would go.  I wanted to give it a try, to commit myself and see what would happen.  That was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Emilie, if you answer my question the way I hope you will, we're about to make a similar commitment.  I love you so much, and I'm more than ready to take this next step.  That day on the park bench was a dividing point in my life, and I think in yours too.  Since that day, I've not regretted one minute spent with you.  Its not always been perfect, but its been amazing, wonderful, and I don't regret one bit of it.  I have a question for you, but I need to ask you in person.  I'm waiting for you, at that same bench in Seabold Park, and I have a question for you.